


Keep My Head above Water

by TheSoggySchuyler4



Series: Forget-Me-Not Soldier [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Confusion, F/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 13:57:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19007191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSoggySchuyler4/pseuds/TheSoggySchuyler4
Summary: I desperately wanted to elaborate on a part of my previous work in this series so here you are:Today is a bad day. They know, because Nat's bad days are frequent enough for them to recognise straight away when she slips.





	Keep My Head above Water

Today was a bad day. James knew this because Natasha woke in a panic that he was still in her bed and wouldn't calm until he dressed and left. He heard her breath even out as he slipped outside, and knew she'd be happier now. Steve was in the living room when he walked past, and caught his eye with a sympathetic smile. Nat's bad days were frequent enough that they all knew what to expect.

The first one was a week after Nat recovered her memories of him. Bruce suggested that perhaps it had been a result of memories overlapping--the inplanted interfering with the real ones. Whatever it was, Natasha had panicked, acting as paranoid and frightened as she had when they were both in the red room. She had refused to touch him when the others were in sight, and had shut him out of their shared room that night. When pressed, she had hissed that her handlers were getting suspicious again, and that was when James had known.

A bad day for Nat meant that her mind believed she was back in the Red Room. She went about her every day post Avengers routine as normal, but her actions were a little sharper and ferile, like she might actually hurt them if given the right instruction. It was terrifying and heartbreaking to watch, but Bruce and Tony had eventually concluded that there was nothing they could actually do to stop it, save for hitting her over the head and knocking her unconscious. After the first few times, that began to seem more cruel than kind, and whilst Nat was always upset when she woke up herself again, the cognitive recalibration seemed to make it several times worse, so they stopped.

The trouble was that in the red room, James and Natalia had had to keep their relationship hidden. Natalia had worked constantly to keep things under wraps, for the protection of both of them. That meant no touching (sometimes not even when they were positive it was safe) or even talking to one another when others were within earshot or might notice them. At night, Natasha would shove him under the bed at the slightest indication of footsteps, and he would be forced to lie there in the dark, half asleep and cold, until Nat deemed it safe again.

It was cruel and painful, both physically and emotionally, but there was nothing they could do.

In theory, James could bring her back. They knew that light loving touches, especially from his metal arm, on her arms or forehead could bring her right back to the present, but it was so difficult to reach her when she would barely allow him to exist in the same room as him.

He would manage though, he always would. This was Natasha, and they could survive anything.


End file.
